I’m not depressed, I’m just sad.
I can see what people do and why they do things and why they and ask me things and maybe I’m just being paranoid. Paranoia is probably what this is about but I guess what it’s coming down to is.
It’s not betrayal, it’s me being too emotional. Far too attached, I talked about a lot of different types of things tonight, learned a lot about stuff. Learned a lot about myself, drew a lot of lines and realized things about myself.
I’ve also learned to say a lot without giving anything too much away. Or maybe if someone knew where to look they could find me.
I feel like it’s too late for me to be talking about sad stuff. No one I want to talk to is awake or in another country. But I know if I talked to them I’d feel better, just thinking of their memory is enough to soothe me some.
I keep having good things and fucking them up or I feel I’ve fucked them up
I know I’m seriously sad when I start to feel it in the front and side of my brain. I know I’m sad when I feel those and no matter what I do or say, that feeling doesn’t go away. No one to talk to.
This isn’t a plea, this is a statement.
It’s been awhile
I’ve been drinking tonight.
a lot.
It’s stuck to me now and I know my spelling will soon be terrible. I wonder if anyone actually reads this at all. If someone does and they happen upon this, you should say something, anything, maybe a hi or a, “Hey I’ve been drinking too and I wanted to say hello”
I don’t expect to see anything
Anyways, I’ve been a lot of different kinds of emotions lately. It’s been a long time…
I’ve only told one person so deeply about myself. I’ve been comfortable, how foolish, it took drinking for me to realize how much.
Ah fuck it, I’ll be back later.
Naive
I was naive to believe that someone was interested in me for my mind and not just my body. I can’t kick myself enough for thinking I’d be able to have a relationship with someone. Showing interest was a mistake I guess. I hate these kind of lessons because it can turn a person into something very self destructive. I don’t want to lose confidence, I was doing so well. I finally started to get shit done for once and I didn’t just sit back. I had energy and now I have hate. I don’t hate them for what they did to me, but it was incredibly rude and immature. They shot me with Febreeze(spelling?) right in my face. Got into my mouth and my eye, then said, you have glasses it didn’t get in your eyes. I got it immediately, I stood up said, I got the clue. How could I stay after that? It’s ridiculous, both people, friend and interest both insulting all night. I’m sensitive? I can let a lot of shit slide, I’m steel against a lot of bullshit. but this was downright disrespectful. I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit lately, I wish I could get a break. I’m my own worst enemy though, my worst critic. Especially when I’m introspective when I smoke pot. I over analyze so much shit in my life. Need to keep moving though, fuck these small things I’m better than this shit. We go back to our base instinct when we get angry or upset.
I’m so tired right now. I need to sleep before work but I told myself when I had to much introspection that I should write what I’m thinking. It’s therapeutic, it’s different for everyone I suppose.
cross roads of history, can’t keep this bird from flying. I journey is sounding better and better, I wish I knew more people out west because I’m thinking of going on a quest, going to explore the world alone. I don’t want to be by people I know, I want to be alone. I’m falling asleep, I say this as I type sleep.
crew, goodnight
Photo reblogged from The Drunken Moogle with 1,590 notes
Nukem (Duke Nukem Forever Cocktail)
Ingredients:
1 glass Mello Yellow
1 shot vodka
1 splash spiced rum
1 splash moonshine (or any other high proof liquor)Directions: Mix the first three ingredients and pour into a glass. Float your moonshine on top (we used moonshine because it’s the closest thing to, you know, nuclear waste or gasoline. You can buy “moonshine” from most liquor stores, but any high proof alcohol will do). Nuke that ‘splody barrel and ignite the moonshine. Enjoy the flames, then extinguish and serve.
“Nuke ‘em ‘till they glow, then shoot ‘em in the dark!” -Duke Nukem
(Drink created by The Drunken Moogle and friends. Photography by Nik Seely.)
Quote reblogged from Apoplectic Skeptic with 226 notes
According to recent polls, Fox News viewers are the most misinformed of all news consumers. They are 12 percentage points more likely to believe the stimulus package caused job losses, 17 points more likely to believe Muslims want to establish Shariah law in America, 30 points more likely to say that scientists dispute global warming, and 31 points more likely to doubt President Obama’s citizenship. In fact, a study by the University of Maryland reveals, ignorance of Fox viewers actually increases the longer they watch the network. That’s because Ailes isn’t interested in providing people with information, or even a balanced range of perspectives. Like his political mentor, Richard Nixon, Ailes traffics in the emotions of victimization.
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